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.Their strengths were underutilized and in response, theymentally dropped out.We need to attend to what interests us as well as what makes us wor-ried.Even though very curious students initiate three times as manyclassroom questions compared to their less curious peers, both groups The Anxious Mind and the Curious Spirit 193become silent when teachers are viewed as threatening.This saps theirenergy so there isn t enough left over for homework, after-school activi-ties, and socializing.I suspect the same goes for you and other adults in the workplace.Ifyou don t feel safe, if you don t feel there is respect and interest in yourvalues, you tune out and drop out.When you do, others are affected byyour declining performance.There is much to learn about what an envi-ronment can do to elevate or squelch our greatest assets.As another instance of the power of fit, think of parent-child trips tothe playground.Watching a child s conquests and interactions with otherkids can be a blast of surprises.Novelty potential is high, and the atten-tive parent is often curious.As any parent knows, however, playgroundsalso leave a knot in your stomach.Fun remembrances of diving head-first down the slide and soaring across monkey bars dramatically changewhen the roles reverse.Now you re trying to protect your kids from eat-ing dirt, chewing on another child s skull, or chasing a lunatic ice creamtruck.Traditional playgrounds usually have blind spots so adults have to beon the move, watching and calling kids who dart out of sight.When par-ents are on guard, worried about the safety of their kid, trying to manageanxiety, they are liable to lose that joyous curiosity.When parents get tooanxious, visualizing injuries before they happen, they don t let their kidsbe independent and have fun, and everyone loses out.To get the mostfrom the experience, you need to feel that you can handle and relish thenovelty.In McLean, Virginia, there is an 18-acre park called ClemyjontriPark.This remarkable park was designed so children using wheelchairs,walkers, braces, or with developmental disabilities can play alongsidethose without disabilities.Design features include wider openings in theplay structures, monkey bars that are lower than usual, ramps that con-nect structures, and a rubber ground surface so kids can fall off the rock-climbing wall and bounce back up without gut-wrenching screams.Robin and her two-year-old daughter Lilah went to ClemyjontriPark with a play group, welcoming the unintended benefits of the design. 194 Curious?Parents don t have to run around structures or look up tall ladders to keepan eye on their kids.Instead, they can watch their children play fromwhere they sit.As a result, Lilah could play with other children for a lon-ger period of time without Robin s interference, and Robin could ob-serve aspects of Lilah s personality that she hadn t seen before.For instance,Lilah took on the role as leader of her posse of 18-month- to 2-year-olds,pointing to new places for the other children to join her. Robin couldalso enjoy stimulating conversation with other moms.In the right situa-tion with the right level of anxiety, everyone benefits.If you want to capitalize on strengths and maximize well-being, payclose attention to the novelty being offered and whether there is an op-portunity to handle and cope with ongoing challenges.The right fit canactivate curiosity.Threatening situations dissolve curiosity with a rapidshift from wanting to explore to protecting the self.These findings on fit have important implications for creating opti-mal environments at work, play, or any organized activity.Strengths needto be clarified.Name them.Acknowledge them in yourself and others.Beyond the basics such as courage, generosity, and curiosity, there arestrengths to be found littered in everyday acts.The person who canmake the most complex ideas sound simple (the decoder), use few wordswhen others require sentences (the sharpener), energize others in prox-imity (the catalyst), and allow others to showcase creativity andstrength that they didn t know they had (the incubator).By giving themnames, strengths are nourished.When we are granted the autonomy touse our strengths, we are more engaged, more invested, and we performbetter.When we feel constrained by rules and regulations, it s easy toflounder.Consider curiosity in the school system.If a school cares moreabout raising student test scores to gain prestige and funding as opposedto whether kids actually gain knowledge, then that school is liable tosquelch students natural curiosity, leaving them disconnected and un-derperforming.We can find out if people need more structure and guidance or less.We can check in to see if more advice, more quiet, or more challenge isneeded.A very curious student/worker/parent might need a bigger, more The Anxious Mind and the Curious Spirit 195dramatic goal; the less engaged might need more excitement to triggertheir interest, and the very anxious might need additional reassurance,information, and comfort so their curiosity isn t depleted by worry.Strategies to Live Fully with AnxietyThe premise that anxiety is bad and harmful and that it must be elimi-nated is an idea that has outlived its time.Therapies to eliminate anxietyshouldn t be trusted.Scientifically informed techniques can help youform better relations with your anxiety and not get caught in a death-gripstruggle with worry and wear yourself out being anxious about beinganxious
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